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January 18, 2022
Blog written by Wise Owl Outfitters.
My single greatest fear is being torn apart and eaten by a pack of ravenous zombie hippopotamus. Hippopotami? Hippopotamuses? Hippopotami. Being torn apart and eaten by ravenous zombie hippopotami. I don’t like to talk about it, though, and you’re in no position to judge because I don’t think you would do well being eviscerated by undead hippopotami either.
Anyway, moving on…
After that, my second greatest fear is being stranded in the wilderness and starving to death. And it is because of that fear that I always make sure that I am well-stocked and well-prepared when I go out into the woods to hike or camp.
You should be too.
The key is to pack enough food but not too much. Remember that you will have to carry all of that stuff up a mountain and that ice you bought is going to melt at some point.
We work like machines. We need fuel.
We need more than cups of coffee to survive. Especially when we are using a lot of that energy to walk up mountains or surpass a steep rock scramble during a hike or backpacking trip.
The rule of thumb is that an individual should eat somewhere between 1 ½ to 2 ½ pounds of food per day. That should equate to 2,500 to 4,500 calories.
Calories are the things your body burns when you’re just sitting around. So, after a long day of hiking, when you’re sitting around a campsite bonfire throwing sticks and kindling into the flames because that’s how you and your friends get your kicks, just know that your body is stoking its own bonfire inside of you by throwing calories onto the pyre.
You will want to take food that travels well and will keep. Below are some of the items I bring along for fuel when out in the wilderness.
Note: If you’re going camping, you should already know that you need to bring graham crackers, marshmallows (I still think it should be spelled marshmellows), and a chocolate bar. S’mores are a must. It doesn’t count as camping unless there are s’mores.
What you might not know is that there are two kinds of making a s’more: the classic way and then the special way. The special way is identical to the classic way with one slight modification: substitute the slab of chocolate bar with a peanut butter cup.
My third greatest fear is being mauled by a bear. And surviving. Not surviving it takes a close fourth place on the list of greatest fears. So, there are a few reasons you want to keep food sealed and well stored when hiking.
If you’re camping, you want to keep your food away from your shelter. Should some animals decide that they want it, there is no point in putting yourself between a wild animal and those chocolate chip cookies you were looking forward to. You also don’t want to sleep in clothes you’ve cooked or eaten in.
Is there anything safe to eat out in nature? No. And if you’re actually asking this question then I don’t trust you to go hiking or camping without proper adult supervision.
You shouldn’t be eating anything that you didn’t prepare at home or buy at the store. The only reason you should resort to ‘living off the land’ is because you are stranded in the wilderness and starving. But don’t do that. It’s not as fun as it sounds.
Please make sure that you bring any wrappers, baggies, or other garbage with you when you leave. We only have one planet. Be kind to it.
Contributing Writer: Jonathan D'Ambrosio
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